Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
