We're like a lot better than the average bears
wanna go halves on a baby?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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