i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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