So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
