So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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