Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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