Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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