she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
