He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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