The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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