he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
