i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
