I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize