I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
