We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
