we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
