Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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