before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
