I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
