I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
