I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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