I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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