Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
