She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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