batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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