I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
