it was like his penis was on wheels.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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