I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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