I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This baby is an asshole
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
