I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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