i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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