Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
