Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If I had your ass I would rule the world
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
