Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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