I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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