The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
