I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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