A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have post one night stand depression
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
