Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
