I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
