he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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