My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
