dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
