I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize