he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
