I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
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I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize