I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
