I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
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So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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