I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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