The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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