I feel great
I just peed on a car
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
