you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
