Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
