Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
