So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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