i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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