fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
