first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
