Got a toothbrush?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
