well most of my day revolves around power hour
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
