i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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