Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
