i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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