he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
