I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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