Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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