guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
