he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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