I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
