I bet he comes in French.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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