"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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