A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
