My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
