I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
